Chapter 2
“Occupational hazards”
Laylian the Alien, Episode I: Flight of the Lavaflies
On nights in Marztropolis, it is common to see paper aliens on their routes. They ride evenings to comply with the Daily Galaxy’s signature tagline: “Bringing You TOMORROW’s news, TODAY!” It’s a petty yet effective bit of time travel.
On one particular evening, not so long ago, a young photographer sat reading the nightly paper.
Her name was Bokeh Utterbug, and she was waiting for a job interview at the headquarters of the Daily Galaxy.
The paper kept Bokeh occupied for the full six hours she waited. While many aliens would have given up after such a wait, the time spent reading only further convinced Bokeh of the organization’s inimitable journalism, making the job all the more tantalizing.
*A Martian hour lasts an additional 1 minute and 39 seconds. This may not sound like much, but you’ll find it really starts to compound after hour four.
When the administrative assistant at last came to collect her, Bokeh ran through her mental checklist a final time.
Yes, she had made sure to apply deodorant in all four of her legpits. She had gargled cotton-candy flavored mouthwash. She had recited positive affirmations in the mirror.*
*Taken mostly from Gurty MacGullan’s bestselling “YOU ARE A STAR: 500 Affirmations for Stellar Bodies (And You Know Who You Are).”
She had done it all—everything just short of thinking about answers to potential interview questions.
Fortunately, Bokeh was a firm believer in the power of spontaneous authenticity.*
*A philosophical school of thought developed by Venutian mystics. According to this line of thinking, meaningful ideas can only be expressed without forethought.
If she was truly the right alien for the job, Bokeh believed the words would come to her exactly when she needed them. She tried not to think too hard about anything in life.
Many of her photography heroes had taken a similar approach.
Hairry “Flash” Bowlb, two-time winner of the intergalactic Bald Hassle Award, attributed his success to a complete lack of worries or concerns, advising everyone to simply:
“Photo with the flow.”
Iggy S. Oh, winner of the Pushitzer Prize, similarly advised young photographers to let go of their plans and ambitions, and instead:
“Live, laugh, ‘graph.”
Apperette Sure, Alpha Centauri Photographer of the Year, shared perhaps the most radical advice given in modern photographic memory:
“Do not take the photos. Let the photos take you.”
All of these lauded figures’ careers culminated in working for the Daily Galaxy. Now, it was Bokeh’s turn.
As Bokeh entered the office where her fate would be determined, she couldn’t help but feel a surge of gratitude for all the aliens who had helped her along the way.
She was only here, she decided, because of their support—be it large or be it small.
There was something quite comforting in that, she thought.
As terrifying as life could be, she never really felt alone.
The interview was surprisingly natural. Easy, even. Editor-In-Chief Gorge Morsely asked simple questions, and Bokeh gave simple answers.
Of course, this was likely due to the power of spontaneous authenticity, Bokeh realized. There really was no need for nervousness. All would unfold as it was supposed to.
The list of occupational hazards was a tad bit unexpected.
However, Bokeh rationalized that “hazard” could be considered another word for “challenge.”
And what really were challenges, but learning opportunities?
Bokeh was a fan of learning.
Big fan.
When the job offer came, it almost felt too good to be true.
Almost.